Loneliness is pervasive. The after effects of the pandemic have left many people feeling even more isolated and alone. Yet, you don’t have to be physically alone to feel lonely and distanced from others. I have treated many patients who have felt separate and alone while in meaningful relationships. Each person has important individual causes for their loneliness in relation to others. One thing I have noticed in my practice is that, when you feel you can’t say what you are thinking, especially to the people who matter to you, it can make your sense of loneliness even more powerful.
It is not uncommon to experience struggles saying difficult or important thoughts to people you feel close to. As everyone has their own personal reasons for this, psychotherapy can help first by giving you an opportunity to say what is on your mind. In time, as trust builds, you will feel more free to say what may be difficult to say. Eventually, this freedom transfers to your interactions with others in your life.
I help individuals understand the conflicts they struggle with in this area. Some issues I come across in my practice include a fear of causing conflict with others, a fear of making someone angry, a strong pull to defer to the wishes and thoughts of others, an insecurity about one’s own abilities, and desire to please, to name a few. As much as I encounter conflicts such as these in my practice, I also encounter both conscious and unconscious desires to be able to speak about important and difficult thoughts.
Steady psychotherapy sessions at a frequency of one or more times per week, where you feel known and accepted, provides an environment where you can feel more free to say what is important and meaningful to you. In going through this process many patients have experienced a mitigation of loneliness, both in relation to the therapist and other significant people in their lives.